Overlooked Black Friday Myths Debunked

Lots and lots of websites come up with their “debunking Black Friday myths” posts (eg. Black Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year–wrong! That’s the Saturday before Christmas), but I’ve been dismayed that there are Black Friday myths that continue to be perpetuated that nobody seems to care about debunking.

Well dear readers, it’s time to put an end to that here and now. I present to you: Overlooked Black Friday Myths DEBUNKED!

OMG GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!

Myth: Black Friday is the beginning of the Zombie uprising

Not true. The Zombie uprising is no more likely to happen on Black Friday than on any other day of the year. Do not be lulled into a false sense of security–the Zombie apocalypse will occur, so remain vigilant and keep your machete nearby at all times.

Myth: The fewer teeth you have, the more likely you are to score the $10 DVD players at Wal-Mart

Again, false. There is no correlation between tooth count and deal-scoring at Wal-Mart.

Myth: If I camp out in front of the store in freezing conditions all night to be the first one in, people are going to be envious of the great deals I got and be impressed by my shopping acumen

Wrong. Those of us who actually sleep think you’re an idiot.

Myth: That $10 DVD player I got from Wal-Mart will make an awesome gift.

Wrong again. Nobody wants your piece-of-crap $10 Wal-Mart DVD player. For one, there’s a reason why it was $10, and two, we watch TV and recognize that DVD player. Thanks for spending ten bucks on me, cheapskate.

Myth: It’s a great holiday tradition!

Really? That’s what you want to tell your great-grandchildren every year? About that time you scored a $10 DVD player? The one that broke two weeks later? Seriously, people–let’s just stop and think about that one a little harder.

So there you have some sadly overlooked Black Friday myths, officially debunked. Happy shopping!

2 Responses

  1. Hilarious. Although I am not sure about the zombies

  2. I just wanted to let you know that Black friday is about more then getting a ten dollar dvd player. I’ve been attending black friday since I was 15 years old. It’s more about getting deals for yourself. For example laptops and TVs. I also don’t appreciate how you said that it’s bad to say that it is a tradition. The women in our family do it almost every year. We love it and we have an awesome time. I’m sorry that you don’t appreciate good sales, but thats just one less complainer in line with us.

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