Child of Divorce

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I had a very happy childhood. My very first memory, from my swim lessons was when I was the ripe old age of 18 months. Studies have shown that when you have a happy childhood, you retain a lot of memories. I had such a happy childhood that I moved 3 doors down from my parents and am giving my children very similar memories. The same trail for my kids to play on, the same neighborhood schools to make friends at, even the same hill for them to race down on their scooters. However, my older son will not share the same innocence and happiness that I had at 11 years old. It tears me up inside every single day.

You see I married his father when I was 20 years old after only knowing him for 3 months. One word comes to mind… STUPID. But I was in love and running off to Vegas against my parents will sounded incredibly romantic. And it was, at the time. So fast forward to when my wonderful little boy is 3 years old. The end of my marriage was eminent. I remember leaving his father with all our stuff packed in the car, my toddler crying for his daddy and his dad running by the car, both crying out for each other. It was by far the hardest day of my life.

When you’re in the thick of it all you don’t really think that life will go on and that life will get better. But it does. I met a great man that truly considers Big E his son. He has never once referred to him as his stepson. In fact, when he proposed marriage, he didn’t propose to me, he proposed to both of us. When we got married, the three of us were at the alter, not just my husband and me, but the 3 of us making vows to each other. I wouldn’t have gotten remarried if it were any other way. Picture perfect right? Sorta.

My ex-husband gets Big E every other weekend. He loves his son and fought me in court to maintain that visitation. He pays very little in child support. So little it barely covers what he eats these days, a whopping $260 a month. He lives in a multi-million dollar house, drives very fancy cars, and takes more vacations than I can count, but swears up and down that he can’t afford more than $260 a month. His wife had told me on the phone that I am heartless and a bad mom. I can go on and on how this woman had negatively affected me. She has this vision of me that I am this terrible person, but she doesn’t even know me! Who is she to judge? And the worst part is she actually says to my son that I am a bad mom.

Well my ex-husband and his wife are having problems now. Big E hates going over there but loves his dad. He cries all the time that he loves his dad but hates how he’s treated. The worst part is there is nothing I can do. At Big E’s age, he can control if he goes over there, but he wont tell his dad he doesn’t want to go. There are a lot of tears right now.

The good news is that he has our home. He has his mom, his dad (because lets face it, my husband is raising him, he’s there every moment of every day, helping with homework and cheering him on in the outfield at games) and his little brother. All we can do is provide stability and love, steer him in the proper direction and hope we come through loud and clear.

My happy memories that I was hoping he would repeat are there, unfortunately though they also have a very darker and sadder counterpart. I feel so very guilty every day that I did this to him. I feel like I am responsible for all this pain he is suffering. And he is SUCH a good kid. It honestly kills me inside.

Ah… the modern day American family.

An Education in Life

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I went to private school my whole life.  My father is a very accomplished, educated man.  From the time I was very young he instilled that I must go to college in order to be successful.  I attended an all girl catholic college prep high school where I was very average when it came to academics.  I loved the social aspect of high school but hated the work.  I’m sure most people felt that way, but I really didn’t care if I got C’s, after all, I had no big dreams of being a lawyer, a biologist or doctor.  I truly and honestly always knew my only burning desire was to be a mom.  I know many women right now are yelling at me, what about womens lib?  Equality?  Are you from the dark ages?  No, I’m not.  Of course I had interests, I loved art, the computer and knew I could make a career from that, but as far as burning desire to charge through high school and college for my dream career, nope, I just wanted to be a mom.

When I was the ripe old age of 18 I set forth on my next adventure… college.  It definitely was an adventure, but I can honestly say I was too immature to handle it.  I went to many parties, took way too many trips to Mexico and ended up failing out of the 4 year school my parents worked so hard to get me into.  My super-fun dorm room turned into a room back at my parents house and I landed myself in community college.  Don’t get me wrong, community college is a great place, but for me, starting out in a dorm at a 4 year school made community college seem like, well, failure.  I attended classes irregularly and put the minimal amount of effort it took to pass my classes until at 20 I met my ex-husband.

I was swept off my feet, stopped going to classes and moved in with him.  3 months after meeting him (yes, you read that correctly… THREE MONTHS) we ran off to Las Vegas and got married.  I’m sure it was my rebellious way of getting back at my mom and dad for trying to control me and my values, but at the time I thought it was so romantic.  I attended a small trade school and got a certificate in web design.  It was hardly an accomplishment, I attended a few classes and got a certificate that could have just as easily been printed on my home Hewlett-Packard.  I went into the workforce and can honestly say I had a successful job as a web designer designing sites for major companies such as Burger King, Los Angeles Times and many more.

At 22 I gave birth to my first son, Big E.  Finally, my burning desire became a reality!  I was a mom.  I loved every bit of it.  I had no postpartum, I didn’t feel like I was giving up anything and I can honestly say I had no problem giving up my early 20’s.  Of course I really didn’t know what I was missing, because when I look back, of course I see that I gave that up, but the important thing is that I didn’t feel it at the time.  Unfortunately, at 25 my marriage fell apart and I found myself back in my parents bedroom once again, of course this time I had a small child with me.

After 9-11, pretty much all web design jobs dried up for those without degrees.  OUCH!  I had a great portfolio and great client names.  But you know that little section at the bottom of the resume that’s entitled “education”?  Well apparently it really is that important.  I got an admin job making decent money.  I had met an amazing man that is now my husband and I was doing fine financially.  I got fired from the admin job (don’t get me started on that one!) and went to work at the Queen Mary in Long Beach as a graphic designer in the marketing department.  It was a small department consisting of 3 of us.  I learned a lot from my manager about marketing and public relations.  After she left the company I took over a lot of responsibility with buying radio ads, marketing campaigns, public relations, I was loving it.  I was there 3 years and really did take a lot from it.

In 2003 I started dabbling in photography.  I even had clients and everything.  But I realized that I was fixing so much in post-production that I needed technical education on the camera.  Once again I find myself needing an education.  The very thing I had been avoiding for the past 15 years of my life was finally catching up to me.  I always knew I wanted to get a degree, to finally finish up what I had started at 18 and gave up because I was too busy tapping the keg and having a good time.

I enrolled in an online BFA program for an art school in photography.  For the first time in my life I have a 3.8 g.p.a.  I LOVE my classes and I love going to school.  I have watched my photography go from okay to award-winning and it feel fantastic.  Its definitely harder at 34 with a husband and 2 kids.   Plus I can only handle 2 classes at a time which will probably put my graduation at 2013.  It’s a little hard sometimes to think that I could have had it so easy had I done it my parents way.  I wouldn’t have these huge student loans piling up, I wouldn’t be having my son watch 2-3 movies during the day during preparation for midterms, and I probably could have studied over seas.  I had a wealth of opportunity that I tossed away.  Its a tough pill to swallow.

I did get my dream of being a mom, its just a shame I realized my other dreams so much later.  Do I regret any of it?  Not a bit!  I will tell you one thing though, when I do finally finish my degree in 2013… I am throwing the biggest graduation party this side of town.  Success is so much sweeter when you’ve had to work this hard for it.

Excuse me while a pour another cup of coffee to finish up studying…

The Photo Addict.

Silent Sundays

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Rockabye Baby

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Don’t you just love how soothing lullabies are to babies?  Don’t you just love the lullaby music?  Absolutely not.  I wanted to shoot myself in the head after about 45 minutes of little C listening to old lullabies and crying every time I turned it off.  Then as a little gift, my sister-in-law brought me about 6-8 CD’s of Rockabye Baby.

Oh My Gawd!  I could NOT believe it.  Lullaby music renditions of some of my favorite music!!  Now this music I could handle.  I even turned it on in the car when he was fussy, worked like a charm AND I didn’t want to inflict pain on myself.

Here is a listing of the bands they cover:

• The Beatles
• Bob Marley
• The Beach Boys
• Bjork
• Coldplay
• The Cure
• Green Day
• Led Zeppelin
• Metallica
• Nine Inch Nails
• US
• Nirvana
• Pink Floyd
• The Pixies
• Queens of the Stone Age
• Radiohead
• Ramones
• Smashing Pumpkins
• The Rolling Stones
• Tool
• Journey
• Guns N Roses
• Aerosmith
• Queen

and my personal favorite…

• No Doubt

They also offer really cute apparel featuring the cover art from some of their albums.  I highly recommend Rockabye Baby CDs to all mothers!

The Photo Addict

Works For Me Wednesday: Flylady

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When I was a working mom I had a cleaning lady.  Oh how I longed for those Friday afternoons, coming home from work, the house smelling like Pine-sol, the floors could be eaten off of and all the sheets were crisp and clean.  Then I decided to stay home with my kids, which meant a lot of cost-cutting, and that meant getting rid of the cleaning lady!  I figured sure, no problem, I can be my own cleaning lady.  Every other week on Friday I’ll clean the house top to bottom as if I was her.  Did that become my reality?  Of course not.  Several months later I found myself swimming in piles of laundry, sleeping on 3 week dirty sheets and piles of dishes in the sink.  Checkmate… the house won.

The Flylady

Enter Flylady.

The Flylady (a term coin for Finally Loving Yourself), is a website and email list that helps you build little habits.  You start with a very simple task, go shine your sink.  It sounds way too basic to make any difference, however, going to bed, with a clean kitchen really did make a big difference.  Next, get dressed to your shoes in the morning.  It works like that, every step you’re adding little habits to your routine.  You’re not going crazy and cleaning for hours on end, its based on little tidbits every day and the 15 minutes of XYZ.  You can do anything for 15 minutes.  Turn on the timer and declutter for 15 minutes, voila, a clean countertop.  One of my favorite says, “a load a day, keeps the chaos at bay”.  I no longer has Mount Rushmore next to my laundry basket.  Nope every morning, after I’m showered, dressed to my shoes, and my bed is made, I throw in a load of laundry.  When the load is done, I reward myself with sitting on the couch and watching some tv while folding clothes.

But be forewarned, don’t try to do all the habits at once.  Go to the Flying lessons and “start here” .  Baby steps, baby steps.  This really has worked for me, anyone can stop in at my house and I’m ok with it, just don’t judge all the toys all over my front room.  Too bad she doesn’t have a flylady for toddlers!!

The Photo Addict

Johns Incredible Pizza Co

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If you haven’t been to John’s Incredible Pizza Company on the lower level in the Buena Park mall… get your family there asap!  I have to admit, I was skeptical at first, I’m definitely NOT a fan of chuck e cheese.  Anything that is remotely similar to Chuck E Cheese my husband and I usually cringe at the thought of spending any lengthy period of time at.  But we decided one evening to give it a try.

The first thing you’ll notice is how large the place is.  Holw cow, its the entire lower floor of the mall!  When you arrive you have to order and go through the queue before getting into the place.  The cost isn’t bad at $8.99 adults, $4.49 Kids 3-6 and $5.99 Kids 7-12.  Children under age 2 eat free.  You can also purchase your Funcard credits at this time, which seemed to be a bit cheaper when you purchase them with the meal, but it might have been a special the night we were there, so don’t quote me on that one!

The Food.
This place actually has really great food!  I had a wonderful salad and a pesto and goat cheese slice of pizza.  I really appreciated the low-fat and fat-free varieties of salad dressings as well.  Here’s a break down of what they offer.

Salad – You can start by making your own salad by choosing from over 40 fresh vegetables, toppings, and dressings. Try our Low-Fat Raspberry Vinaigrette Dressing or even build your own Caesar Salad!
Soups – Two different soups every day, including Pasta Fagioli, Beef Stew, Chicken & Dumplings and more.
Pasta – Choose from Regular Marinara, Meat or Alfredo Sauces and specialty pastas such as Italian Casserole and many others.
Pizza – So many to choose from! We’re famous for our Spicy Peanut Butter Pizza and Alfredo Pizza. There’s also Macaroni & Cheese, BBQ Chicken Ranch, Fiesta, Cheeseburger and Garlic Pesto pizzas as well as the traditional combinations like Veggie, Meat Lovers and Hawaiian.
Desserts – Finally, our desserts include freshly made Cookies, Soft-Serve Ice Cream in a Cup or Cone, Apple Crisp and Cinnamon Rolls.

And to top off the dining experience (and make all the screaming kids more tolerable) they have a beer and wine bar.

The Ambiance.
Unlike Chuck E Cheese (sorry for the constant comparisons, but lets face it, isn’t that our only other option these days?) where you are thrown in the center of the arcade with all the screaming brats (oops, did I just say that?) running around you while you’re trying to suck down a beer and eat a piece of cardboard pizza, the dining area is in a totally different area.  There are several “themed” dining rooms.  There’s a sports room, a rustic lodge, cartoon theme and even a nightclub themed room.  Each room has different entertainment on the big screens, the sports room has whatever big game is on, the cartoon room has cartoons on, etc.  Definitely a MUCH better dining experience.

The Fun.
After reading their website, apparently each location is different in what attractions they offer, but each location has an arcade.  The arcade works on a Funcard, not tokens, similar to Dave and Busters.  The kids collect tickets from the arcade games and can cash them in for prizes just like at C.E.C.  One big difference I loved was that after counting all the tickets Big E had earned he wasn’t satisfied with the prizes he could get.  So the attendant zapped his Funcard with the amount of tickets he has.  So the next time we visit, as long as he has his same Funcard, he can just add to that amount and save for something worthwhile.  Genius.  The Buena Park location has a huge arcade, many games suitable for very young children.  They also have a small toddler friendly play area.  As far as attractions go, they have bumper cars and 2 rides in the center area.  There truly is something for everyone, even my husband and I were having a blast!

The bottom line is that this place truly in Incredibly by its names definition.  They finally thought of the parents that are bringing the younger ones as much as they thought of the kids.  And don’t leave the older ones behind because there is just as much to do for teens as there is for the little ones.

So next time your thinking of someplace to go in North OC, make sure Johns Incredible Pizza Co. is at the top of your list!

Cheers!

The Photo Addict

Silent Sundays

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Sunday is the day of rest, same goes for us here at Gen X Moms.  So we have decided to create “Silent Sundays” a collection of images…  funny, sweet and even downright cute.  Because really, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Potty Training a Stubborn Preschooler

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When Big E was about two and a half I looked at him one day and decided it was time to potty train him. I purchased some big boy underwear, got some treats, spent about a week at home with him, and there you had it… I had a potty trainer toddler. So when my very “spirited” three year old Little C turned 2, I started introducing him to the potty. Let’s just say it’s been 18 long months of a very frustrating relationship.

Let me take you back to the beginning. When Little C was born, he was induced several weeks early. He had a very weak sucking mechanism so getting him to breast-feed was ridiculously difficult, but I kept at it. 2 months of the La Leche League later, I had a confidant breast-feeding baby. Little C has always been challenging. He would cry non stop unless I would hold him, so I found myself doing everything with him in a sling, even the dishes. On my birthday, he refused to take a bottle from my mother-in-law and went 12 hours without eating… at 6 months old!!

As the toddler years came it didn’t get any better, the headstrong stubborn behavior turned into screams and cries of power struggles. By his second birthday we were at the pediatrician’s office and she pointed out to me that he was far behind his other kid counterparts in his speech development. This totally explained his outbreaks; he couldn’t communicate. Everything has been a struggle, but gosh darn it he’s so darn cute! Two and a half, I start the potty introduction, not good. At his third year checkup I explained to his pediatrician that he was not interested at all, she told me to give it a rest for 3 months and then reintroduce him to it. Got it…

So here we are now, at three and half trying to start potty training with a head strong, speech delayed, stubborn preschooler. I’m trying to find a preschool for him, he NEEDS to go to a preschool twice a week… I NEED him to go to preschool twice a week, but no one wants him at his age unless he’s potty-trained. Its not like he’s a dog for crying out loud, he’s a human being. So once again I bring out the potty. I do all the right things, I have the rewards system (I even made him a cute little container with candies for him), I have a potty in almost every room, we’ve gone days without any diapers and nothing works. And don’t tell me he’s not ready, he has every single sign of being ready, he’s just stubborn!

I know what you’re all thinking… well she hasn’t done THIS, or she hasn’t tried THAT. May I remind you I potty-trained Big E in less than 2 weeks. Let me explain how Little C does things. We spent 45 minutes in front of the TV watching his favorite movie, E.T. with him sitting on his potty. I ask him every 5-10 minutes to go Pee or Poop for mommy, and he’ll get a candy. Mommy has to use the restroom, I go to the bathroom, and not even 2 minutes later my son has moved from his potty, found the only place in our house that has carpet, and takes the largest, most giant dump I have seen from a kid his age on my office floor!

That my friends is a clear power play… the battle continues.

The Photo Addict

Works For Me Wednesday – Online Photo Sharing

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Do you have a ton of photos just sitting on your computer? If your like most moms, you take tons of photos, and then do nothing with them. Does this sound like you? Let me tell you what works for me. I’m not going to get too fancy here, because as a professional photographer I could go on and on about what to do with all those photos. Instead, I’m going to tell you about the easiest, fastest way to share your photos, and ultimately DO SOMETHING with them!

I know you’ve heard of Flickr. But are you actually using it? Do you have an account but have never used it? Let me tell you how wonderful Flickr is. I’m going to take you through a typical scenario in my house. My son big E just has his 11th birthday party. I upload all the photos from the event and edit out the ones that don’t look great or have no significance. I’ll have a whole other post on “letting go” of digital photos. Just because we take them, does NOT mean we have to save every digital file. Ok, moving on. The next step I do is use the Flickr uploader to upload the photos into my account. There are several ways to upload, you can do it right through their site, by email, your iPhone, but I like their stand alone desktop uploader. Make sure to select if you want them private or public. If you make them private your friends and family can still see them, you just have to invite them, I’ll get to that.

After the files are online, go to “organize & create”. Here you can create sets of photos, categorize, add descriptions, permissions, you have complete control of your photos in this menu. The beauty of this page, is the drag and drop feature. It works like your computer desktop. You just drag the photos you want to work with and then do what you like with them.

So now I have my photos of Big E in a set called 11th Birthday, private to only friends and family. Now I want to share the photos with everyone that attended the party and a few family members that live too far away to attend. I go to my Flickr photostream and select the set I just created. Under the search selection there’s a button, “Share This”. I always select the option of creating a link, that way I can send out a personal email with the link attached. If you created the photo set as a private set, make sure to create a “Guest Pass”, this will allow your friends and family members that are not Flickr members to view your photos. Voila! You just shared your photos.

Now what? You’ve shared your photos with the world, fantastic, but now what are you going to DO with them. Let me share what I do. Every year around Oct/Nov I create an album. Its really easy, you just select the tiny drop down menu next to Organize & Create and select Prints & Photo Products. Select all the photos to go in your album, drag them to the working area and select photo album. This takes your to Snapfish where you finish up the album.

It really is that easy! So stop letting your digital photos collect digital dust and DO SOMETHING with them.

The Photo Addict.

Rated R and M for Mature for Tweens?

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I have a serious bone to pick with parents of tweens. I am 33 oops I mean 34 years old and have a son that is in the sixth grade (that’s 11 for those that can’t do the math that quick). I had him when I was the ripe old age of 22. You would think that as a younger mom I would be “cooler” than the other older moms of the kids in his class. Instead, I find that I am one of the VERY few parents in his class that actually seem to parent. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying they are neglecting their children, or that they’re bad parents, but I just don’t get them. Not to mention, when my younger child is a tween, will I be so relaxed I wont care either?

Let me give an example. I believe that movies and video games are rated for a REASON. Color me old-fashioned, but when a movie is rated R, as in restricted to those under the age of 17, I usually listen to the rating and don’t let my 11 year old son see it. You would think that’s the norm, right? WRONG! Turns out the majority of my son’s friends are allowed to watch rated R movies. 300, yep they’ve seen it, District 9, that too, SAW 1-5, yes even those! I’m not crazy overprotective either, its not like I’m making him wait until 13 to see PG-13 movies.

Now let me bring up video games. I am literally shocked that parents don’t seem to get what the M for mature rating means. Lets look at what the Entertainment Software Rating Board defines M to be:

MATURE
Titles rated M (Mature) have content that may be suitable for persons ages 17 and older. Titles in this category may contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language.

Why would this be suitable for a pre-teen? Apparently my son is one of the only kids in his class not playing World of Warcraft, Bioshock (in order to view their website you need to put in a birthdate that proves your over 17) and Grand Theft Auto. Lets have a look at Grand Theft Auto:

A document from the UK ratings body, the BBFC (which has given the game an “18” rating) appeared online recently which stated, “the character can pick up prostitutes and pay for three levels of service. What follows is an un-detailed portrayal of masturbation, fellatio, and intercourse. The character can also visit lap-dancing clubs and request a private dance. While the game contains sexualized dancing and the portrayal of sex, there is no sexualized nudity.” So, yes there’s sex, but no you don’t see it.
Courtesy of WhatTheyPlay.com

Are these parents willingly letting their children play these games or are they not doing their research? Do they not understand that video games have moved far past the days of Super Mario Bros and Dig Dug? Am I wrong for not letting my son watch R rated movies? Are we in such a rush to let our children grow up that we just let them watch whatever they want to? Doesn’t anyone else see that we are desensitizing our kids? What’s next? Will we be subscribing to Hustler for them for their 13th birthday?

I would love to hear your thoughts, please comment and let me know if I’m crazy here…

The Photo Addict