The Perfect Christmas Present

My friend and I went out to lunch the other day, and after I loaded Mouse into the car and swept a half-dozen goldfish crackers into the gutter (bird food!) and then leaned over from the driver’s seat to relocate a snack catcher, sippy cup that had been in there for who knows how long (just water, thank God), some napkins, a receipt, some papers from something, and a Happy Meal toy, my friend sat down and said:

These things are so convenient

Friend: I just thought of the perfect Christmas present for you!

Me: Diamonds? A cruise? Sister wives?

Friend: No, getting your car detailed!

Now in a previous life I would have been embarrassed and then made a mental note to clear out the junk before I ever drove her anywhere ever again, but in THIS life, I just said:

Me: OMG, you’re right!!!!! That would be awesome!!!! And a sister wife too, yes?

So let me make this clear first–my car has always been a mess. Back when I used disposable water bottles, they’d collect on the floor and breed like rabbits. Train Guy used to refer to the passenger footwell as “The elephant graveyard for water bottles.”

And let’s not even talk about the glove compartment.

Well, actually, let’s talk about the glove compartment! My parents have this habit of keeping napkins in the glove compartment. Like extra napkins from fast food or coffee or whatever. My dad in particular used to have a napkin collection that kids these days would call “epic.” So of course, having been raised that way, I do it too. The first time Train Guy opened my glove compartment, a sheaf of napkins sprung out at him. He totally laughed at me. TOTALLY. Like, mocked me for keeping all these napkins around. And then I started putting them in his glove compartment, again when we’d have fast food or whatever (I make it sound like we eat fast food every day. Which sometimes is true. Heh.), and he would be like, “Okay [insert my dad’s name]!”

And then what happened? That’s right! He totally spilled a soda one day and guess what was handy and available to instantly clean it up?


Now my car is just where goldfish crackers go to die.