Sometimes I just get so frustrated with the Sanctimommies. You know the ones I’m talking about–the ones with perfect children who judge every little thing you do. Yeah, them. What drives me nuts in particular are the ones who interpret all of their children’s successes as direct results of their stellar parenting (and by inference, your problems are a direct result of your totally deficient parenting).
Like if your child misbehaves in some way, they’re the first to point out how their child has either never done that (followed up by a supposition as to why that might be the case) or their particular parenting technique was instantly effective so you’re probably doing something wrong. For example:
Me: I’m so frustrated–Mouse keeps throwing food on the floor and laughing about it. It’s driving me crazy!
Sanctimommy #1: That’s weird, Junior never threw food. I wonder why a child would do that. I always feed Junior homegrown organic fruits and vegetables cultivated in environmentally-sensitive ways and prepared with a variety of flavorings and spices so he has developed a love for cuisines all around the world. I avoid all processed foods because I read on the internet that they can cause behavioral problems. Have you tried cooking your own food and giving him something that he likes to eat? Maybe he wouldn’t throw it then.
Self-Portrait via Webcam:
Sanctimommy #2: Sweetums threw food once when she was 9 months old. I sat down with her and just told her “honey, we don’t throw food because there are starving children in other parts of the world and it’s a waste, and also it’s difficult for Mommy to clean up,” and she said, “Oh Mummy, I am so very sorry! If I mop the floor for you, will you give me extra money to donate to the fight against world hunger?” Have you tried talking to Mouse? Maybe if he understood why it was bad he wouldn’t do it.
Self Portrait via Webcam:
I mean seriously–a lot of stuff with our kids just has to do with their personality, not with our superior parenting. Sure, parenting does make a difference, but really kids have fully-formed personalities and traits and let’s not take credit for things that are just a result of that.
For example (again), Mouse is an excellent sleeper. He started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and continued ever since. If he does wake up in the middle of the night, he talks to his stuffed animals for a few minutes and then goes back to sleep. No crying, no calling for Mommy and Daddy, just an assured awakening and falling right back to sleep again.
Now from this experience I could conclude one of two things:
1) Mouse sleeps so well because I am a totally awesome parent. So awesome, in fact, that I should seriously write a book about kids and sleeping because look how well my kid sleeps! If everyone parented the way I do, everyone’s kid would happily sleep through the night.
2) We’ve done some very helpful things to soothe him to sleep and convince him to stay asleep, but for the most part, he’s just an easy sleeper.
Obviously the answer is #1.
I mean look, we’re all in this together. It’s not a competition. You don’t get, like, extra gold stars for having a better kid than other mothers do. Why can’t we just support each other?