Just a Mom

Both the Scrivener and the PhotoAddict have argued that one need not be identified only as “someone’s mom”. They are worried about losing themselves in motherhood and point out that there is life beyond it. I get why they feel that way. I do not share this concern.

Everyone’s approach to motherhood is different. Many factors go into it; your personality, your child’s personality, your childhood experience, how involved your spouse is, whether you even have a spouse, how many kids you have, your age, your support system, financial circumstances, etc. There isn’t a “right way” only what’s right for you.

I had a “full life” before becoming a mom that included career, travel, hobbies and hanging at the bar with friends. I had my own office with a window that was 3 blocks from the White House and an apartment near the subway that overlooked the Pentagon. It was an exciting time. But as someone who struggled to have a child, I do not find myself wishing to be someone separate as I’ve moved on to the next phase of my life. I love being a mom. Just a mom. That is my career for now. I embrace it.

Enjoying motherhood

Enjoying motherhood.

There are some who have judged me for not seeking out daycare/preschool so that I could do more for myself. I should’ve started another career or worked towards another diploma or haven’t I been wasting my degree, my time and talent? And aren’t I bored just being with a child all day? It is almost always other women asking these questions. Usually other moms. Some are just curious but others seem truly to disapprove. Why are we so hard on each other? We really should be more supportive of each other’s choices. I respect that some women need more time away from their kids to rejuvenate and get the mental breaks and adult socialization they need to be better moms. I also sympathize with women who don’t have a choice in the matter.

As for me, it has been a privilege to stay home and watch my child grow. It’s not forever,  just for a few short years. I truly don’t mind being with him most of the time especially since he’s old enough to share some of my interests. My husband helps out when he’s home, he and Rocky spend time alone together and I have my classes at the YMCA; I don’t hurt for me time. My single friends are few and far between as most have followed the path of parenthood but us mothers plan an occasional get together here and there that’s just for us. Even with our children in tow, I still feel connected when spending time with other moms. It’s always a relief to know I’m not alone. And now that Rocky is starting kindergarten, I’ll have another 4 whole hours a day for whatever needs doing. Or to hide away with a good book or watch tv all morning. You know, because that’s the perception of what stay-at-home moms do with the extra time! I wish. More likely I’ll be that mom at the school doing all the volunteer work that other parents don’t have time to do.

I know who I am and I do have longer term goals for myself. It’s important for Rocky to see that. But for the time being, I don’t need to “have it all”. My role as a mom is enough for me and I don’t feel guilty that I’ve given up myself. I’m sharing myself. As my son grows and needs me less and less, there will be plenty of time for focusing on just me once again. My life is still full and I’m counting my blessings. Identity intact.

The Librarian

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7 Responses

  1. I love this. I can very much relate, although I’m a “part-time” mom. I’d love to be a full-time mom and spend every moment with my son. His babyhood/toddlerhood is slipping by way too fast for me, and I feel like I’m missing out. I can relate to those that want the “me” time or need the “me” time (and I’d be a demon to deal with if I didn’t get my bubble bath every night – but sometimes I even share that with my lil guy or he lies in his bed while I soak (same room)). I can’t imagine at this point in my life to go away for the weekend and leave him in someone else’s care. The three days of daycare are bad enough. I love to spend time with him, to talk to him, to hear his stories and to try to figure out how his mind works. I whole heartedly agree that there is no right or wrong way, it is whatever works for YOU. I just wish that moms everywhere would stop trying to make other moms feel guilty for not doing this or not doing that or doing this or doing that. Just enjoy your time, whatever you choose. Life is way too short and goes by way too fast!

    • Chris, it really is a good gig, isn’t it? My husband and I had so many years together before baby that we no longer have the desire to travel without our child. We have a blast together, all three of us.

  2. I agree! You are sharing yourself with your child for this short period of time, and that is very valuable for you both. It is good that you can savor the moments that you have, knowing that there will be increasing time down the road for other interests. Love it!

  3. Yay! I always get upset when someone uses the phrase “just a mom.” It’s the best job I’ve ever had. Yes, there are days I wish I could be anywhere other than where I am — but that was true of paid jobs, too!

  4. I wish financially I could have stuck to my 5 year plan and not gone back to work until my youngest was in school. Unfortunately it’s just not the case. I envy you. I do however still love my alone time haha! But as you said, I did not have a “full-life”‘before becoming a mom at 22. Great Post!!

  5. I love this! I have always wanted to be a mom and I always knew I wanted to stay home with my kids. I’m lucky that my hubby and I planned things out and got us in a position for me to stay home. I always say that I retired at 22 and I’m very happy that things worked out that way. All mothers need to do what is right for their family and their dreams. My biggest dream was to be a mom and I’m so glad I was lucky enough to accomplish that dream. I love being “just a mom.” We love taking our kids on all our vacations and wouldn’t want to go without them. I agree that some mothers need their alone time and some need more than others. If that makes them a more refreshed and better mom that is totally fine.

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