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There’s just something special about 80’s music–something that compels me to fill my iPhone chock-full of it and listen to it in the car all the time. It was a simpler time, a time with many synthesizers and profound lyrics. Who needs John Mayer when you can express your love by saying “You spin me right round baby right round–like a record baby right round round round,” or soothe your jaded, broken heart by belting out some Howard Jones “What is looooooooooooooooove anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway? Woooh, wooooooh, wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
And the videos? Dude, the 80’s invented music television. I mean that literally–music television, where they just played videos. MTV? Nowadays there’s all that crap on there and it just leaves me saying “I want my MTV!”
Sorry, that was a bad one.
Anyway, the 80’s outdid every other decade in bad music videos. People were just figuring out how to make them, how to out-do each other, and how to ultimately impress. Paula Abdul tap-dancing with an animated cat? Heck yeah! And Michael Jackson (when he was still black) turning into a werewolf? That was revolutionary.
But there’s one song that stands above the rest, both in belt-out-ability and desperately lovelorn moments. Yes, I’m talking about the Cheesiest Song Ever Written: Total Eclipse of the Heart. How can you not love this song? It’s so bad, it’s flippin’ awesome. It really is. And the video? In classic early 80’s fashion, the video is trying to send some kind of message but it’s totally unclear what that message means, and it pretty much leaves you saying WTF?
Well, welcome to the 2000’s, where people have combined both the cheesiest song ever written and the truly bizarre video, and rather than just letting the song play, they go through and change the lyrics to describe what’s happening in the video.
If you’re prone to incontinence, you might want to consider going to the bathroom now.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.