I always knew I had control issues, but I had no idea how many control issues I had until I became a mom. I mean, I like to be in charge. I’m not always what you would call a “team player” unless you mean “team captain.” I like things to happen when I want them to happen. I like things to be done the way I want them done. I’m really very anal particular about what I want.
I know the moms in the audience are already laughing.
Because when you have a child, guess how much you can control? Not a whole lot. Especially those early days. What do you mean you’re not sleeping?! You need to go to sleep because I want you to! And while you’re at it, finish this stupid bottle. I don’t want to spend all day here while you dilly dally around. It’s time for you to take a nap, and by “you” I mean “me,” so why the heck aren’t you happy in your crib with your duckie?
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that I am completely unable to bend Mouse’s behavior by the sheer force of my iron will. Because quite frankly, Mouse really couldn’t give a crap whether or not I want to take a nap or the fact that formula is expensive so can’t we just finish this bottle instead of throwing it away. And what I really would not like to be doing right now is changing a diaper, but honestly that situation doesn’t get any better if you procrastinate.
I don’t want you to throw food off of the high chair tray. I want you to eat it. And I don’t want you to feed it to the dog either, no matter how pathetic he looks (talk about a ruse!). I really would like you to stop screaming just because the acoutistics in Costco are fabulous for an echo. I really would like you to stop grabbing my glasses. It would be awesome if we could leave the house in fewer than 30 minutes.
And Mouse’s standard answer to all of the above?
So how does a mom accept what she cannot control? How can a control freak like me learn to chill out and let it go? Is there hope for me and my psychotic hangups?